Monday, February 28, 2011

Cry baby

Sigh~ now I keep waking at 4am smth~ My eyes are still so tired.. I'm not only going to have a mental break down.. I think I'm falling sick soon.. Both my mind and body are being attacked~ Very terrible feeling now.. ;'( I also have dark circles.. even my mom said my chin turned sharper and say I have become skinny.. sigh~ I even cry when I eat, bath, sleep.. I'm so useless.. I can only cry.. I'm just so lost~ Cry baby!! why don't you just die?? Hate myself so much.. ;'(

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Insomia

Sigh~ I still can't sleep~ I woke up at 2am and I went to sleep again, I woke at 4am again~ I can't sleep.. All my mind is about you.. running and running.. I'm very sad, I really can't handle stress.. I have a psychology report.. that's why I get into different section in army, I can't touch guns, grenades and explosive.. they are afraid I might suicide?? Maybe... living is so hard for me now.. Not only my mind is tired, my body is too~ I'm getting sick soon.. ;'(

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Unseen Torturing

I feel so breathless.. It always happens.. It just make me feel like dying.. I'm very sad~ I hope I can end my life soon.. It's such a torture.. It's so painful... Everyday is a torture~ I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm very tired, very very tired of my life already.. I don't know how much more can I hold on.. I'm very sorry if I have leave you someday, I'm very sorry for my parents also.. Sorry for everyone.. ;'(

Overnight at cousin's house

Woke at 4am today~ sigh.. I'm sleeping at cousin house.. and I was still awake till 6am, only I started to get up~ My mind is thinking of you non-stop, my tears keep falling and falling.. I Miss You so much.. Where have the kind of caring Li Yang have go?? Every time our conversation seems plain, as if she doesn't want to talk to me much.. I felt so left out, abandoned and alone~ My Life is so Miserable.. ;'(

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Restless

I slept at about 6pm~ and woke at 12am something, and I'm very awake.. and I try to sleep again.. I wake again at 2am something.. I started sobbing, and sobbing badly.. I know you cannot assure that you will still be there for the next 2 years I'm in NS, because I myself is afraid to lose you again.. but if you were to be there for me... I will be very happy.. I would just think I have a wife in Philippines waiting for me to go home.. so I can eat her delicious meals again~ haha.. or even imagine I have kids too.. It wouldn't be that hard.. but the way you think are making thing impossible and negatively because we are too far.. but have you remembered what you say to me before? Nothing is impossible..

It's more painful to leave me now then the past 2 years I just came out.. but why did you do it?? You really wish I'm your hubby then is this what you do?? Is this how deep your Love is?? Is that even your goal?? Don't you have a plan with me, when you Love me that much?? Yet you don't like seeing me sad, yet you can't do what I want or let me do what I want.. how are you going to make your love one happy?? Why does the one I always trust do this?? That is why I'm very afraid to trust.. So I'm not really sure to trust you or not yet this happened.. I know you are very hurt when I say I don't know if I trust you.. I'm very sorry dear but the things you do really don't make me feel that way~ It takes 2 to clap.. I'm exchanging my sorrow for your happiness right now, Your happy now so you don't have to be sad to see me sad.. If you really Love me, I hope you can accept me and wait for me.. If you want me to share my sadness with you, share my happiness with you, then we should just go through together.. that's just how it is for being together happily when you really love somebody.. ;'(

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Changed by Someone

You said you rather hurt yourself than seeing someone hurt~ I'm the one doing this.. Your like my role model~ I being positive because of you, I do this because of you.. But in the end.. This is what I get?? Your making me hurt more than yourself.. It's you the one who is always thinking for yourself, I cared for you so much.. You didn't even care when I'm down.. You just asked, you don't help.. You don't know how to.. when I tell you how.. You wouldn't do it.. Why are you always messing things up~?? How am I going to be positive and trust someone again?? Why are you thinking it's impossible now??? I really hate what you did to me~ You are not the one I know before, you have changed a lot.. seriously.. ;'(

Reality Nightmare

Why?? Is it impossible?? why are you doing this??? You think I'm far~ You are making it impossible.. Then should what you said is all a lie?? Nothing is impossible.. Yeah.. But I don't see it~!!! Why are you always making me down, sad, tears~ You really like to see me sad?? Is that how you do to your love ones?? You doesn't really know how I feel.. I'm very afraid to sleep.. every time I wake up in fear, I missed you so much.. It's not I want to.. I can't help it!! that's why I don't sleep.. I lacked of so much sleep.. I can't go back to sleep when I started thinking.. it's very painful~!! I hope I can end my life soon..

Friday, February 18, 2011

Hard to make someone happy?

As you can see.. I wanted to know more about you.. I did wrote on your wall once.. I asked you to write on your blog~ because I wanted to know about your life.. your school life or whatever, you didn't do it~ I just kept quiet.. I can remember you even reply, just "hehehe" Sometimes you just say Life is unfair.. it isn't.. It's people who are making it unfair~

Is this how you treat me as your hubby?? This is what I get?? How can I feel it?? I have already been honest with you.. I don't really know what is trust.. Why when I trust someone.. they did this?? I really want to see how deep is your Love for me~ I have done so much.. Is what I asked for really that much?? You don't like seeing me sad.. but there is nothing else you can do.. seriously~ ;'(

My life is so much meaningless without you.. How can I really trust someone, all my life have been so dark.. I really do appreciate being with you.. I'm no longer a sad person.. but why do you have to make me one?? I'm not one who likes to approach, but I tried my best.. everyday to approach you, I asked for a day.. you didn't even do it.. Is that how you want to make someone happy? I'm very sad.. very very sad.. I couldn't stop tearing now.. ;'(

I asked for a updating your blog, nothing.. I'm fine.. I asked if you can approach me 1st, still nothing~ It's not your like always busy.. sometimes you even have a little time to search for songs in youtube.. I just want to know more about you and your life~ Why can't? I asked for it already.. You don't like being expressive towards me, so I asked you to write in blog~ What else can I do.. Tell me?? What else?? Whatever I do is wrong to you..!! I even have to sacrifice this relationship in the end?? I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate everything because of you~ can't you just do me a small favour?? ;'(

Dear?~ Plz. . . . . just accept me a nd wait for me.. I would like to put on a Ring of Promise, Trust and even my Life on you some day~ I'm very sick and tired of Life already~

- Love Sick Sorrow and Heartbroken, Wen Jie ;'(

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Most Painful Experience

It's exactly 3.45am and I just came out from the bath room~ I sobbed like a kid, It was terrible.. thinking that this is the worst Valentine's gift I ever had.. Why?? Just why?? I still treat you like my dearest wife.. My hair haven't stopped falling, it's been so long.. weeks.. I asked my mom if stress causes this she says yes, she asked what am I stress about but I can only keep quiet.. It's hurting me so much..

My condition now is still very unstable.. I came out still sobbing badly~ my family had slept and I'm the only one awake.. I wouldn't want to sleep.. I would sob badly again~ I don't want to wake up.. Because I will definitely wake up very early and my mind would start running..

I hate my life so much.. You are the last person I can trust.. Why must I always be the one getting hurt by people?? I have no one to share my feelings now, I can't cry on my friends shoulder.. Whatever I say.. no one can be as clear as me.. no one would spend this kind of time on me.. I'm always left out alone.. nobody cares.. to keep this painful and hurting feelings in my heart because I never wanted you to be so angry at me again~

I might afraid we might quarrel... I don't want to give you more stress as you have schools and your FC.. Running away is a problem.. facing it is also a problem.. what should I do? You made the decision and your confused.. I'm even more confused.. I felt like I got hurt for nothing.. Why do you say it will lessen my sorrow if you come back? No.. I do get happy easily.. If I get what I wanted.. I know I may get sick, but I don't care, it's better if I got a high fever which leads to brain damage or die.. I just want to stop thinking, it's not I don't want to stop it's because I can't..

I don't know if it's about our distance, but I know it affects us very much.. I'm so sorry I can't visit you.. I don't have that money.. but I hope after my NS used the money to visit you.. nothing is false hope when you think it's possible.. because I have only treated you as my one and only wife.. So I have already done it and I don't believe I can't.. All is up to you, if you really treat me as your hubby then nothing is impossible.. ;'(

Quote for you

I will be there for you.. so please be there for me~ I will be waiting for you.. I Love You~ ;'(

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Soul-less Breath

It's very painful~ The mixture tiredness and sadness.. which makes me very hard to breathe now~ The soul-less breath I called.. I'm no different from the dead.. I which I could just sleep forever~

No matter how fun today is.. I will still be sad after that.. again and again.. I can't help myself.. I'm falling very deep.. I had my Graduation Ceremony today and after that I went to Lan to play with my cousin~ sigh.. I really wish I could die, I'm very tired.. ;'(

False Hope? or giving up?

I have found out that there are also people out there like me.. having a relationship through internet.. they also haven't met before.. There are 2 I know on facebook.. 1 of them got to see each other and they even got married and had a son.. From what I see it's possible!! but why are you making me feel so impossible??

Are you trying to break my goals?? Are you trying to help?? What's nothing is impossible when you think your giving me false hope?? or are you just giving up?? I guess you really feel bad when you don't never seen me.. but doing this makes me feels so hurt~ I'm not the one having negative thoughts~ you started to think about it already!! now you are just pushing me back to who I was before, I can never be positive this way!!~ Who can I still trust now??? :(

Monday, February 14, 2011

A Sad Valentine's Day

Sigh~ It's Valentine's Day, still it's very sad.. I'm very sad.. It should be double happiness, now it's double sorrow~ I want to tell you how much I Love You.. It should be our Monthsary today~ I should be happy.. I can't.. why is my life so painful?? I'm very happy you wrote reply me Happy Valentine's.. and even happier when you called me dear~ I also want to say Happy 11th Monthsary to you.. I can't!! I'm very sad, I'm very down.. My heart feels so sour and my tears just keep falling..

This is the most painful thing I have ever been thru in my life.. I'm still tearing everyday~ what an idiot!! taken you so seriously and treat you like my wife and never thought this happened.. Does relationship really affects you so much?? ;'(

And I have saved this for a long time and wanted to post it on your wall.. sigh, but I can't now ;'( - Love, Cold

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Nightmare Everyday

Sigh~ I woke up in fear.. my mind just keep running and I can't went back to sleep.. I fear I might lost you.. and I have lost you.. It's very hard to breathe, as if I have asthma now.. and my heart just keep thumping so hard and fast.. I'm falling sick soon.. My body is very restless.. I'm still feeling so sad.. This still happens when I woke up the next day~ Sigh, it's in my psychology report about this kind of fear and stress I'm handling and I can't handle it.. that's why I'm going to a have a easier position in army.. I hope you can stop my stress.. All I'm hoping for is for you to come back and I will waiting in pain everyday~ I hate it when you say I have 99% hate and 1% love for you.. that's not true.. You don't even understand me~ ;'(

Valentine Tomorrow

Sigh~ tml is Valentine.. Your are going to enjoy.. I'm going to get sad.. It seems I can never had a nice Valentine in my life.. always looking at people in envy.. It's also our Monthsary, I was hoping for this day before.. but no more~ I always had a bad life.. I was borned to be so alone.. ;'(

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Life of Humans

I only hate myself so much because I don't really understand humans.. what they really want.. I'm one of them.. everything they show me.. it makes me feel bad.. I'm cold and dark for a reason.. The reasons lies on people.. My life haven't been great.. everyone is showing me only darkness.. I once trust my best friend but he cheated me.. Now I trusted you and everything went wrong.. I don't really know what to do now.. I'm lost.. I will be forever.. Until someone can prove and show me the truth to this world..

I always asked myself.. "What is Life?" shud I really fill them with hatred and only do the things I like?? but why is everyone doing the same thing? and the same things to me?? I have written about how I hate about humans before and I have once again written it now.. I'm tired of living.. - Cold

Love is really Complicated

You are confused.. so am I.. Your the one who did it all.. I would be forever lost.. I don't want to love again~ You are my 1st and I will make you my last.. I will be waiting.. I may not be experience in Love but I have already felt all it's pain.. I only going love once.. I'm putting everything to it.. it's broken.. I will be waiting for you to fix it.. If all my efforts isn't worth it.. I'm never going to take love seriously again~ - Cold

Impossible

So now, I can only say it's still impossible.. maybe you haven really treat me like your hubby fully because you think we are in a relationship~ or is it me just too dumb to treat you as my wife that I don't even treat this as a relationship? It's also because of our distance.. because we haven met.. I know.. because everything seems harder to be together~ I really hope to be with you one day.. The word you told me once "I LOVE YOU 99%" now i guess they are all a false.. do you even afraid of kissing me?? I'm even hurt when you leave me yet you still love me~ just because you are afraid of hurting me because you might forget me when I'm in NS and so~ false hope are also hope.. when you put in everything.. it might come true one day~ If you really love me and want be with me together, how can I still get hurt? ;'(

Friday, February 11, 2011

Things about Love?

The simplest things you want is just to make your loved ones happy.. not sad.. and when they do, you just want to try your best to make them happy.. when they are happy, you will of course be happy~ Loved ones are meant to be together, if you love someone.. of course you wanna be with that person happily together~ It's about 2 being together doing what they at happy with..

Tiring and busy with work mustn't be the problem in Love~ Even when someone gets frustrated for a day~ It makes just someone you love to cheer you up~ Why fight with your loves ones when they just cared for you?? You will get upset, when on one day.. they are gone.. It's just like the movie spiderman where he quarreled with his uncle and he regrets when he had found out his uncle is gone and he regretted it, he didn't have the chance..
People may get pissed and frustrated at what you do, but it's because they just care.. You may be pissed for a day but you won't be the next.. Love is forgiving, acceptance and being happy with someone.. I know we haven being together but your happy "being" with me through facebook~ I know it's long and you will asked when is it, but if you trust and love me~ you can wait.. Love can wait.. because you will find life more meaningful and happy after your with someone you love~ Love is not tiring, it's people who are tired..

What are you going to choose? Rich but sad or Poor but Happy? Who doesn't want to live in a luxurious house? I don't really mind as long as I'm happy~
I have watched this video in facebook~ it's a very meaningful.. It's about a group of old ladies chatting together and it was New Year and they talked about their son.. the 1st lady proudly say he's son is busy with he's work, he's a lawyer who earn thousands.. he didn't have time for new year with her.. The 2nd lady say he's son is not better than the 1st but he's a doctor and he's overseas working and he's busy for coming back this new year and also bragged about how much he earned, finally the 2 ladies asked the 3rd one reply he's son only had a normal job.. but he's everyday bringing me out.. and when she was talking about he's son, he's car came and he hold his mother in the car~ The only 2 ladies could say goodbye and looked in envy~
That's a real family love.. we love and need love because humans have emotions~ They needed support and care.. when they get that~ they are happy

So Love = Happiness
Happiness = cares, concerns and supports

I love You like my wife, A family Love it is :)

Rain of Tears

It's rainning heavily~ Everytime when I'm down.. ;'( there are also loud thunders~ you said you are afraid of them, I would like to lend you my chest so you can lean on it while I hugged you covering your ears~ but. . . ;'( will it ever happens?? I would like to kiss you in the rain~ lay on the floor with you looking at the sky holding your hands.. I want to see your smile, I want to touch your face~ It's been so long since I lay and having rain falling on my face~ it's very nice sensation.. I hope I can just have it with you one day.. when your down, I would like to try my best to make you happy~ can you just give me a chance and wait for me?? I just wanted you to give me a name~ so I can put in facebook.. i know itachi is very dark and bad.. but you wouldn't have a idea to give me a name ;'(

Alone

why must this happened?? it hurts. . . . Dear?? can you hear me?? where is the girl that once loved me has gone?? why must you do this to me?? it's very painful.. I can't take it.. have you really treated me like your hubby?? then why?? it's unexpected from someone like you.. I treated you as a family.. I'm happy to have known all your family.. I want to be together with you and live happily.. I hate writing down all this because everytime I write, I write it with tears.. but I can't!!

Nobody talks to me, nobody cares how I feel, everyone is doing their own things~ I can't keep this inside.. I feel so alone, I feel so devastated~ Do you really love me?? Then why are you making me in pain?? or you never want to be with me because we are too far?? I don't know.. I'm very stress.. I very lost.. I don't know what to do now~ If that is so.. I'm never going to treat relationship serious anymore!! Now I know why boys always cheat on girls now~!! ;'(

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Simple yet Complicated

Doesn't you change for someone you love and try to do better?? If I were to tell you what I don't like or hate what you do.. will you change?? You always want to be who you want to be and doesn't like to be changed.. If I will to tell you and you never change, I will felt pissed of course..

I just want to go through all this together with you.. can't I?? I love and treat you like my wife or I would even call you my lao po.. Why is it when I'm pissed.. I said the wrong thing, but not to you.. I was wrong?? Then why can't I joke when your pissed and why you can joke?? If you think what I said and my apologies is too late then I should also hate you because you treat me like that just because you are stress and worst still not even done by me in the 1st place?? I only stress so much because of you~!! To have get all this in return.. You said you love me, you care.. I don't see you care, asking me if I'm alright is also care but do you know cheering and encouragement is needed?? How do you cheer up someone?? It's simple.. I just want to hear few sweet words, is that hard??

If nothing is impossible then why does this happened?? why must I stop all this?? I'm going for my happiness is that wrong?? If your always shy and awkward, how can I be straight to tell you how bad I feel?? I don't want to break this dream, I just will wanna give up everything.. If you want to study, just tell me... I can wait or is it because I'm going to NS and you might not love me anymore so your giving up now?? I just want to wait for you and myself so we can see each other soon!! Why does this happened then?? You promised you will wait for me~ looked at all this.. such beautiful moment with such painful memories ;'( why did I print screened it? because I felt so happy when you said it.. I do get happy easily if you talk to me like that~ ;'(

The most selfish line that I've heard yet the sweetest thing everyone loves to hear from their loves one.. "Your Only Mine"
If this is the way you makes your Loves one happy, I treat you as mine and everything, my world.. the world for both of us~ You are the only one that can stop my pain now~ You don't have to say if how long is this already because everything seems like yesterday~ ;'(




Oblivion

I tried to sleep early last night.. I went to sleep at 2am but I couldn't sleep, I looked at my watch.. it was 5am already.. the sky is turning bright.. My mind just keep running and running.. all about you.. I don't understand.. before I stopped thinking about you.. my mind was a total blank and I'm so lost my tears starts falling and I was crying so badly.. ;'(

Did you really treat me as your hubby?? but it seems you just treat this as a relationship only.. You called me that but I think it's just a call.. a fake call.. nothing much.. Or is it because we can't see each other that's why you want to stop or this?? Nothing is impossible is such a lie.. I thought I can do it.. It seems not.. I have given up in everything, even my life.. They are just full of HATES.. I love you more than you love me.. I'm hurt more than you now~ It also seems your not the one I have known in the 1st place.. you have changed so much.. ;'(

FUCK everything!!!

You leave because it is impossible~ because you think I will never see you.. because I can't.. You hate it.. Because you keep waiting and get nothing in the end.. AM I WRONG?? If this everything is going to happened.. I will HATE you for life~ It's true love can change a person a lot.. I'm just not going to trust anyone anymore~!!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Bothered

I felt so tired.. I'm so tired of my life.. I shudn't be born.. I wasn't meant to be born.. My mom never thought of having me.. I wouldn't be alive today without technology~ I may not be alive already without you.. I hate my life~ You promised to wait for me, is it just a lie??? ;'(

Hatred

I hate those words you said.. I hate you for doing this.. how can you do this?? I'm never going to trust and love anymore.. I'm also going to have a bad 2011 year~ I'm very unlucky.. I have also received my NS letters.. I hate my life.. I wish to end it soon~ I got so stress my hair is falling so much everyday.. to see my hands filled with so much hairs, I don't really know what to do~ I hate myself.. and I HATE YOU!!~ ;'(

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Fear

You once asked about what I fear most in my life.. I actually wanted to say afraid of being alone.. but you too said that.. You said you know what I fear.. is that true?? what is your answer?? We have the same answer.. but why does this happened?? You have friends, you have family.. I envy you.. because I don't have and now your also leaving me behind.. What have I done to get all this?? Do I really have to sit in a corner like this?? You are not the Li Yang I first know~ She cheered me up when I was down at that time.. but everything has changed.. everyone is leaving me alone.. ;'(

Darkness inside

Sigh.. Am I feeling better this way? But I don't think so.. I tried, I can't.. I hate it.. I'm very lost.. someone please help~ who will and who can?? nobody.. ;'(

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Hating..

I really hate myself so much.. why am I so stress?? when will all this pain ever stop?? Why did you have to do this? Do you think it's better for me? I don't think so.. No one can replace you, I will never love again.. I hate my life.. I hate it.. I keep falling hair in the bathroom.. is it due to too much stress or lack of sleep~ I'm very tired, I want to end my life.. I'm just a useless junk.. Whenever I talked about this or even write, my tears wud keep falling.. ;'(