Friday, March 18, 2011

Shooting Star

Yesterday night.. I was sleeping half way and suddenly pain starts coming to my back and chest when I breathe.. So painful.. It's like needle stabbing.. it won't stop.. I get up.. I try not to breathe so hard or the pain will come back..I get up and I looked out of my window at the dark sky while calming my body down..

The time was about 12.30am+.. I keep looking and looking and on my left corner of my eye I saw shooting stars.. I think I saw one.. because it can't be imagination, it can't be a plane because it was so fast!! It's like a fire work but going downwards with lines following behind.. after that it was gone because the block towards me blocked it.. stupid humans creations.. of course I was happy and I faster made a wish.. I wish for so many things.. am I greedy?? lol..

It was so beautiful.. I think it's the second time I saw it through this window.. Am I being lucky?? It's very rare to see one.. I still wait for a while more before I sleep, nothing more happened.. it's really rare.. but I can't sleep.. the last time I see is 2am+.. I woke up so early today!! it was 6am+ but I get up at 8am+ because my body is still tired, but my mind is clear.. now my eyes is so stressed..

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Let Karma do everything..

Well.. nothing did happened on that day.. sigh.. I woke up at 6 today and had a hard time sleeping.. I'm so weak and tired I get up at 2pm already.. Then it started to rain after I woke up.. It always happens.. sigh.. hmm really this isn't the Li Yang I used to know.. changed a lot.. or stress.. I don't know but she seems so cold and cruel towards me already..

I do feel bad when I said I didn't trust you.. because people I trust just keep hurting me.. I didn't say I do because I'm so confused.. I didn't really know what you mean actually.. but I know my heart did not say "I don't know" because after you leave me.. it hurts so much.. someday you will know.. Karma will get you.. and you will know how I felt when you trust someone so much and they betrayed you.. I'm not cursing but I'm just saying.. Well I do felt betrayed but I can't say you betrayed me.. but isn't it too coincidence you got so sick after you leave me?? Maybe it is but we never know.. I will just let Karma do everything..

Monday, March 14, 2011

Anniversary

It doesn't matter how hurt I will be.. as long as you are happy.. I just want to say Happy Anniversary Dear... I Love You .. Having pain for 2 months and more isn't what someone can normally do.. I'm still glad I'm alive struggling, it may be hard but I will try.. but I hope you wouldn't be so cruel to leave me like that.. good luck for your exams tomorrow, I know it must been hard for you also.. All I want is to show you support but it seems you want to do this alone then maybe I should let you do what you want.. Is it really useful supporting someone in silence? I don't think that will work.. I just hope I can be better now.. I'm only afraid to sleep or wake up.. :')

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Afraid to Sleep..

I was feeling fine yesterday night.. but when I woke up this morning, my mind was thinking about you again.. I even dreamt that today was our Anniversary, I even see cakes.. My mind wouldn't stop thinking and I couldn't sleep.. I thought it was 1pm or smth because yesterday I sleep late, it was 10am.. I normally don't wake at this time.. because my mind keep running the thoughts of you.. I'm very stress and frustrated I started crying.. Why do I always have to be like this the next day?? Why can't I stop thinking about you??

I start to think what's the point of crying when you no longer cry for me any more?? I started to sob badly after thinking of that.. In my mind, it's endless thoughts of suicide.. I can't control my mind any more, I'm tired of my body, my mind and you!! I try to get up of my bed, nobody was home.. I felt weak, my whole body is feeling numb.. I look in the mirror, my eyes are red.. tears are still in my eyes, I still have a glum face.. Tomorrow is our Anniversary.. I don't know how I can take the pain again.. I just hope you can accept me soon, better for tomorrow.. so we can start again.. I Love You.. so deep.. it hurts~ ;'(

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Die from Love Sick

Feeling so weak.. Sigh.. I didn't sleep well.. My mind was running, I teared morning and nights.. I couldn't stop.. I'm so tired, my mind is, my body is~ My throat hurts.. I still woke up early, yet my body is so weak to get up.. My mind can't rest.. I just hope I just die.. I can't breathe, my heart is cold again.. I'm not feeling very well.. I just hope I can die from sickness.. the pain is killing me already~

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Bad Life

Having diarrhea this morning.. My tummy then aren't good, sigh~ I'm too stress.. I don't have appetite to eat tonight~ I cried my eyes so swollen.. I don't really know what to do, I felt very stress and have no one to talk to~ Keeping all this pain alone in my heart.. It's very unpleasant.. I felt very sick, being so weak these days.. I have been suspecting your friend, but I can't really tell~ Because you would scold me if I do, you would get mad at me~ but it's just a feeling.. I really want to tell you about it, but I can't now.. sigh.. I will let Karma do the things then~ Whatever bad things they do, they shall get it in return so they would understand how I feel.. The thing is whenever I'm down it rains~ :'(

The Girl in my picture

Sigh~ I still teared badly yesterday night and the night before.. I really hope I can be with you soon.. I'm so unlucky yesterday I used until there is no more tissue.. sound stupid right?? maybe.. I also woke up at 4.46am~ sigh.. You were running in my mind whole day..

I really love you so much, I really hope I can be with you one day.. I want to go out and have fun with you, spent my time with you.. Would you please stay and be with me forever?? Let me be the most special person in your Heart.. A person that can make you smile, laugh and tear together.. A someone who can spent your rest of life with.. Will you be my girl and hold my hands through this together?? All this pain, sorrow, happiness and joy..

I already have the image of everything in my head.. A picture frame of you and me beside our future home.. The joy to see you everyday and soon enough there may be a third person in the picture~ our child.. I would like the smile on your face when you are fetching him/her to school.. It will make me very happy to see such a scene~ You are the girl I want to marry.. Please Stay~ It's 4 more days to our Anniversary.. the day we started~ ;'(

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Deep Love, Deep Wound

It's really hard to trust someone.. I have seen many many people being betrayed by others that's why I keep saying I don't trust yet sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.. I must have hurt you so much.. I'm so sorry but please forgive me~ I may say I don't trust but in my heart I do.. :( I really hope you can come back, I will be waiting for this day.. The day I put on a wedding ring, didn't you say you want to grow old with me?? I have many things in my mind already, I would like to travel with you and stuff.. I really hope I can spent the rest of my life with you, if you would to let me.. I like to see your smile, really~ I hope I can see it one day, see your most beautiful smile in my life and everyday~ I Love You so Much~ ;'(

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Hope

Still feeling so weak.. sigh.. If everyone things that everything can't last.. why be so serious and got hurt in the end?? I didn't think that way because I'm really serious.. Calling you Lao Po means I'm ready to be with you forever~ Why can you leave me when you treated me as your hubby? If it's my fault I can change.. I make mistakes, I'm not perfect.. I can't find a perfect girl also.. but I still want you.. You said you don't look good and there are people better but I don't care.. I only want you!!!

My dear.. I don't have much time to spent with you already, I hope you can accept me as soon as possible.. 2 years isn't long.. Because I can still book out to talk to you.. so please~ Let's be something people can envy~ 9 Months through Facebook that's good already.. let me get to know you more then~ ^^

Monday, March 7, 2011

Feeling Weak

Sigh.. I guess I'm also sick now.. My body is so numb and weak.. Don't have much energy, I have running nose the whole day and sneezing~ You don't feel like replying me and talking to me.. I can only accept it.. I'm sad and down, I don't want you to know now.. I try to be happy because I don't want you to go sad with me.. I don't want to bother you much because you have many things in school.. sigh~ I guess I have to sacrifice till the end till my very last breath and I hope I can make you happy.. I try to be strong, I'm trying.. I'm just like Naruto, I won't give up.. It's painful but I won't give up~ I approach you to ask if you could accept me again because you are a shy person, because you will never approach me and ask me for it.. but when will you accept me again?? ;'(

Friday, March 4, 2011

I'm waiting, Girl..

I'm just trying to spice up our Love life every once in a while.. I try to surprise you as much as you can, I treated you this way so I can make you feel Special.. I guess I have messed things up.. Just approaching me.. is that so difficult? for even once, I'm just asking for once.. Too much?? If you really treat me as a hubby, you would just try your best to approach me.. I will just be very happy to see that.. but it seems you don't trust me that I will go there after my NS, you really don't.. I can feel it.. also because you are not sure whether you will still wait for me, because you think it's long.. I just hope Singapore don't have NS then.. sigh~ If you were also to think positive and really do treat me as your hubby.. it would be "Yes!! I can wait for him.. so one day when he had finished his NS and I'm will be done with my studies.. I will wait for him so he can give me a BIG HUG when he comes here!!"

Now hello?? who kidnapped the supportive and cheerful Li Yang I know?? This isn't the cute Li Yang.. I hope she can comes back soon..!! huhuhu, this girl is so cold towards me right now

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Exhausted, Giving up Life

All I can now is to write my Pain and Sorrows here.. Nobody can exactly feel what I feel now.. Everything turned out wrong.. I no longer have the intention to live.. I'm tired of my life.. I have lost what I'm going in future.. I lost my dreams.. I have lost everything.. My life is always bad in the end.. I know I'm not perfect.. I have so many flaws.. People just can't accept the way I am.. I'm a failure, I'm useless.. I really don't understand humans.. What they really want?? I'm not worth living.. I cant do anything.. Whatever I do is wrong..

Heating up

Sigh.. I'm not feeling well already, every time I get heat up.. I have sleepy and heavy eyes.. but I don't want to sleep, I'm so afraid.. I have been attacked by my mind and I also my body.. I'm getting worst.. I don't know what to do.. I just feel like dying.. End it all~ Everything.. You didn't reply me, avoiding me.. yet you said your not... how can I believe?? Busy?? Yet you can have time to do other things.. I'm even upset and disappointed by this.. I'm getting better by how you talk nicely to me.. yet you did it again.. You just want me to die?? I'm so irritating to you?? I really don't understand.. I just hope I fall sick and die soon..

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Nightmares

I'm so afraid to sleep.. I had my nightmare just now again.. It's very terrible.. it's always coming to me, everyday... A mix of reality and dreaming.. it's very bad.. I woke with fear, I woke with my heart beating so hard and fast, and I breathe so heavily.. I couldn't stop this fear until now im writing.. It's so real and a dream at a same time..

I thought I would have lost you.. I see you abandoning this Facebook account.. You started blocking your pictures, you started deleting friends.. You start to change so fast, I'm so afraid you don't want to talk to me again.. I'm so afraid of you deleting me, leaving me alone and secretly create a new Facebook account.. I'm so afraid.. I don't want you to leave me again... I'm so afraid to sleep.. I slept at late 3+am.. but I woke at 8.45am.. everyday been like this.. I lack and lack of sleep everyday.. I woke because of this, I'm tired.. I fell asleep.. I woke up with hard beating so fast again.. so I stopped sleeping even when I'm tired.. I have to get up of bed and use the comp.. I don't know what to do.. the realistic nightmares just won't stop!! I only get this when I'm half awake.. because it starts to mix reality with dreams.. I feel so lost now.. ;'(

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Left Out Alone..

Why are you always hurting me like that?? You did online, but why didn't you reply my message?? You said you don't like to see me like this yet your always DOING IT!! I'm very sad and dissapointed.. You have really changed.. so much.. your so cold and cruel.. your not the Li Yang I know before ;'(